34 Years of Marriage: 7 Lessons Learned

Intro: 34 years, one decision—over and over

Last month, my husband and I celebrated 34 years of marriage — a journey filled with love, laughter, lessons, and plenty of growth. From our newlywed days in the ’90s to today, each year has taught us something new about commitment, grace, and partnership.

If you’ve ever been married (or dreamed about it), you know it’s not always easy. Marriage takes patience, prayer, and purpose — but it’s also one of the most rewarding adventures you’ll ever take. Here are seven lessons that have carried us through three decades together — and still guide us today.

💛 Lesson 1: Marriage Is a Daily Decision

Love is a feeling. Marriage is a daily decision.
Some days feel like champagne and roses; while others feel like work, bills, kids and endless chores! However, the win is deciding, again, “You’re my person.” This decision stands even when work is crazy, and life is lifing.

Try this: Each morning, say out loud (or by text), “I choose you today.” It resets the tone.

Marriage isn’t a feeling; it’s a decision you make EVERY single day.

💛 Lesson 2: Remember You’re a Team

You and your spouse are not opponents — you’re partners.
Life will test you through finances, kids, work stress, and everything in between. But the goal is always to work together toward the same vision.

Find balance in your roles, honor each other’s strengths, and don’t let outside voices interfere. When you’re equally yoked — spiritually and emotionally — you have to learn to move and act as one.

Marriage is one of the greatest team sports ever created.

💛 Lesson 3: Be a Soft Place to Land

The world is hard enough — Home should be your safe space.
Be gentle with one another. When your spouse walks through the door, meet them with grace, not mean-spirited criticism, fault-finding or nagging. Learn how to pick your battles and to let the unimportant things go.
Create peace in your home, not pressure.

Sometimes love looks like a warm dinner, a listening ear, or giving each other space to breathe. When you nurture peace at home, instead of creating a battleground, you both recharge to face the world again.

💛 Lesson 4: Speak with Kindness

Words carry power. Once spoken, they can’t be taken back.
Avoid name-calling, cursing, or sarcasm that wounds. You can disagree — even passionately — but still choose respect. Words like shut-up, stupid, or I want a divorce have no place in healthy conversations.

Speak life into your marriage. Praise more than you criticize. Thank more than you complain. Avoid extreme language like, “you always” or “you never.” It is better to say, “you hurt my feelings when…” instead.
Remember, kindness doesn’t make you weak — it makes your love stronger.

Be gentle with your words. They can either build a bridge or burn it.

💛 Lesson 5: Don’t Go to Bed Angry

It’s biblical — “Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.”
Resolve what you can before the day ends. If you can’t find the right words to say, write them in a text or letter.
Bitterness grows in silence, but peace grows through communication.

Let go of the scorekeeping. Talk things out. Apologize first, even when it’s uncomfortable or just to accept your share of the blame. This is healthy and a sign of maturity. It is also a pathway to long-lasting love.

💛 Lesson 6: Learn to Say, “I Was Wrong”

Pride has no place in a healthy marriage.
You’ll make mistakes — we all do. But humility and forgiveness will take you further than being right ever could. Being right is highly overrated, and it can be a lonely experience. I would rather be wrong and happy!

Those five words — “I’m sorry, I was wrong” — can heal more than any argument ever won.
Say them often. Mean them every time.

💛 Lesson 7: Stay Friends & Keep the Fun Alive

Laughter keeps the love alive.
Find joy in the little things — inside jokes, favorite movies, shared adventures.
Do your own thing when you need to recharge, then come back together and laugh again.

After 34 years, we’ve learned that being friends is just as important as being lovers. Friendship is what holds you through every season.

When you can laugh together, you can weather anything.

✨ Bonus Lesson: Don’t Compare Your Marriage to Anyone Else’s

Reality TV and social media love to glamorize relationships — grand gestures, luxury gifts, perfect homes.
But that’s not real life. Real love shows up every day, through every high and low, with faithfulness and laughter.

The best marriages aren’t about image; they’re about intimacy, understanding, and trust.

The real prize isn’t the flowers or the Bentley — it’s the peace that comes from knowing you’re loved for life.

🌅 Closing Thoughts

After 34 years, I can honestly say: love deepens when you water it with patience, laughter, and prayer.
It’s not always easy — but IT IS ALWAYS worth it.
Here’s to 35 years and beyond, as well as to every couple learning how to love better with time. 💍

💛 Call to Action

If any of these lessons spoke to your heart, share this post or tag someone who inspires you in love.
Follow along at @thatgoldengirllife for more stories about faith, confidence, and fabulous living — because fabulous has no age limit. ✨